In May I turned 35. The blog post about it was one line long: “Turned 35. Pretty calm about it.” I gave it a placeholder tag.
This came across my feed and stuck with me:
You can’t have youth and an understanding of it at the same time.
It goes around credited to Lu Xun, Hemingway or Gibran, depending on who’s posting. I haven’t done the homework on which, so I’m not picking one.
The line is right. The kind of understanding it’s talking about needs contrast: you have to have had something and then lost it. When you’re young, you haven’t lost it yet. That’s more or less the definition of young.
You can still enjoy it while it’s happening, and see that it’s a good time. What you can’t know yet is what you’ll end up missing. It’s like the answer key in school. They hand it out after the exam, and if they handed it out before, it wouldn’t be much of an exam.
And 35 is somebody’s youth too. Mine, from 60.
The answer key for this one comes out around 60, and I can’t get it early. I can at least read the question: what will I wish I’d paid more attention to? My guess doesn’t have to be right. It still gets me to look around now instead of later.
That sounds like the usual “enjoy it while it lasts.” The difference is that I’ve already watched my twenties turn into “back then,” so I know how quietly that happens, and the reminder has a better chance of getting through this time.
There’s also a less hypothetical way to get a bit of both: be new at something. It does mean looking stupid for a while.
Back in March I wrote about AI making me a beginner again. I stayed up late because I couldn’t stop, woke up with ideas, and built things on weekends for nobody in particular. It took me a while to place the feeling. It was the one I’d had as a kid learning to code.
I didn’t get those years back. But I was new at something, with plenty I didn’t understand and wanted to try. And this time I recognized the feeling without having to lose it first. I’d already spent about a decade without it.
That’s the closest I’ve come to having both.
Anyway. The birthday post is still one line. I’m keeping the placeholder tag.
五月过了 35 岁生日，当时写的博客只有一句话：“35岁生日，波澜不惊。”还顺手打了个 placeholder 标签。
在社交平台上刷到这么一句话，一直没忘：
人无法同时拥有青春和对青春的感悟。
网上有说是鲁迅的，有说是海明威的，也有说是纪伯伦的。到底是谁，我没考证，就不乱认了。
这话是对的。它说的感悟，得靠对比：有过，又没了，才知道是什么滋味。年轻的时候还没有这个对比。没有，才叫年轻。
年轻时当然也能珍惜，也知道这段日子挺好。只是以后会想念什么，现在说不准。这就跟考试一样，答案总是考完才发。要是考前就发，也就不叫考试了。
说起来，35 岁从 60 岁回头看，不也是青春嘛。
这一场的答案，大概要到 60 岁才发，现在肯定拿不到。但题目可以先看一眼：眼下有什么，是以后会想念的？答不准也没关系，至少现在会多看两眼。
听着跟“趁年轻好好珍惜”差不多。区别是，我已经看着自己的二十几岁变成了“那时候”，知道这事来得有多不声不响。所以这回再听这种提醒，大概能听进去一点了。
还有个更实在的办法，能两样都沾一点：找件新事，从头学起。代价是得当一阵菜鸟。
三月那篇《重拾好奇心》里写过，AI 让我重新当了一回新手：熬夜是因为停不下来，早上醒来一脑子想法，周末做东西也不为谁。过了好一阵我才反应过来，这不就是小时候学写代码那种感觉嘛。
小时候当然回不去。可手上又有了一堆不会、但很想弄明白的东西。不一样的是，这回不用先把这股劲儿丢了，才认出它来。毕竟已经丢过一次，差不多十年。
这大概是我离“两样都有”最近的一次了。
行了。那篇生日博客还是一句话，placeholder 标签我先留着。
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